Lumpit - the way it is, randomly

Like it? Or Lumpit.co.uk. This is the work of one human: Christopher, a social media strategist, viral marketeer, purpose connector, people watcher, and all round tosser. What you see here are a whole range of random thoughts and observations on life, the universe and everything. Please feel free to dispute anything via the comments facility, or to marvel at the full range of his abilities to put into words and shapes the way it is, randomly. In exchange for cash, goods or services, Christopher is available for public speaking engagements or private lifecoaching consultations to save you from having to lumpit. meme@lumpit.co.uk is a good place to calmly start your quest.

Moaning old farts

Is this country top-heavy with moaning old farts? I think so. No wonder the younger generation feel so isolated and under-valued. It seems that anybody older than 40 has an axe to grind about other people doing this or doing that. Yes, it doesn’t matter what others are actually doing, but if they appear to be having fun, then it must be stopped immediately.

The main organ of the moaning old farts appears to be the Daily Mail. The Daily Mail is a paper I once loved. Now, it’s just a grumpy old man incarnate.

It leads all these obscure campaigns baying for the blood of anybody who is a bit left-field, alternative, or cutting edge. Look at the ridiculous campaign against Jonathan Ross and Russel Brand.

Why are all these fat grumpy old men so angry with everything? They hate new and different. They hate originality and creativity.

Sadly, these old fuckers aren’t dying or developing dementia at the rate of previous generations. So, their voices are loud and annoying. And, completely out of proportion it just takes one of them to kick off with their whinging and complaining and then all the others follow like a flock of really annoying pigeons thinking that one of their number has found food.

Peck peck peck they go with their annoying noses clattering where they are not needed or welcome, and their throaty disapproving mumbling and agreeing with each other tones.

Didn’t these wankers ever have fun when they were younger and into the new and exciting world of opportunities that surrounded the youth of their day?

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Oct
31st

Fri

Ok, my take on Quantum Of Solace and how the film producers could save a fortune next time. Apart from all the moans and groans about how the screenplay kinda changed the personality and character of Bond films, one of the worst things about it is camera shake. As there’s exciting action taking place, including stunts which must have cost a fortune to set-up and film, what do they do? Well, in the edit they do extremely fast cutting so that it’s hard to fathom what’s going on. For those that might be able to suss it, they then introduce a ‘camera shake’ to make it even harder to see anything. Result: The action scenes are probably ok, but nobody can actually see what the heck is going on.
Ok, if this is the way forward, why bother spending a fortune on the stunts? Just film random things, shake the camera so violently that nobody can see anything, and pretend something brilliant happened. We won’t know any different.

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Oct
30th

Thu

Sigh. If only he’d teach them this concept. What a glorious end to suffering that would be!

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Oct
29th

Wed

Now that the ‘Earth Liberation Front’ or whatever their name of the day is have seriously concluded that they need to wipe a quarter of the humans in the industrialised world off the face of the planet, I think we’re in trouble. It was bad enough when we had to face the global religions (mainly Christianity and Islam) using our neighbourhoods as their battlegrounds, but these new deranged nutters are going to be hard to fight. What if they develop a virus that helps achieve their cull?

— Christopher

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Oct
28th

Tue

You got Alzheimers?

This is supposedly a REAL neurological test. Even if it isn’t, at least it’s fun. Sit comfortably and calmly, and then answer these three questions within 30 seconds……

1- Find the C below. Do not use any cursor help.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2- If you successfully found the C, now find the 6 below.

9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999699999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

3- Now find the N below. It’s a little more difficult..

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Supposedly, if you were able to pass all 3 tests, your brain is great and you’re far from having Alzheimer’s Disease.

Congratulations!

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Oct
27th

Mon

Hmmm. I’m wondering when the Christians will try to assassinate Barak Obama. He’s the nearest to a free-thinking President America has ever had. Christians/Muslims don’t handle too well the concept of others free-thinking, do they?

— Christopher

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Oct
26th

Sun

Click for the Gadget Show Competition Wow! The Gadget Show’s competition cost around £1.50 to enter, and yet you could be the one who wins everything in the video - worth over £17,000 and needing an entire new house to store it all in. Hurry, it dies on Nov 10th:
http://fwd.five.tv/videos/competition-programme-5

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Oct
25th

Sat

So, I blog under multiple personalities. Lumpit is the nearest to the more comfortable real me and allows me the opportunity to rant and rave about almost anything. Then there’s the meeja me, writing in other places about what’s wrong with it all, laughing and pointing at the industry, and hiding the Lumpit version of me away. I’m not sure if this is a good thing.
I’m confused. More confused than a confused person from confused land. Who should I be? Can I be both?

— Christopher

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Oct
24th

Fri

Sandy can be your 'personal' assistant

Yes, definitely. Click on the link above, and see what Sandy can do for you. I use her in association with Google Calendar and a number of other programs, to help map my busy little life.

Check her out, well worth it. Plus, if you combine her with http://dial2do.com you’ve got yourself some pretty powerful integrated assistance!

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Oct
23rd

Thu

I’m confused. Barak Obama, the next president of the United States of America, is half white and half black. Some might call this ‘half-caste’, or more politically correctly, ‘mixed race’. Some refer to this as being ‘biracial’. But why is he constantly referred to as an ‘African-American’? He isn’t.

— Christopher

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Oct
22nd

Wed

So if I watch the series ‘Liverpool One’ late Sunday nights on ITV3 will I get a true insight into the world that is Liverpool?

— Christopher

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Oct
21st

Tue

Me: Hi. I've a few things I'm after. Firstly, I'd like to buy a watch
Shop assistant: Analogue?
Me: No, just a watch. I'd also like a goldfish
Shop assistant: Do you want an aquarium?
Me: To be honest, I don't care what star sign it is. Also can somebody sell me a kettle?
Shop assistant: Kenwood.
Me: Ok, I'll wait for him to serve me then.

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Oct
20th

Mon

Tim Shaw has rapidly become my hero in recent years. In fact, anybody who defends the right to push the envelope, and sees this ridiculous Brand / Ross witchhunt for what it really is deserves a thumbs up!

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